Unspoken…











{November 8, 2010}   The Wall

In the course of our life we come across so many people. Some, we forget.. some we stay cordial with.. some are close. And then there is a group of people we are inseparable with. People with whom we can share our best moments, worst secrets, confide in the most embarrassing things and yet be confident that all these will not affect the bond we share with them.

Through the 24 years of my existence I have been blessed with many such friends. Friends that I don’t need to call and check up on everyday… friends that need not meet me for years together… On the other hand, the friends I know, will be there to shed a tear with me and make me smile through my tears; to laugh with me and share my happiness; to share my anger and frustration and despise the person who upset me; advice me when I am going wrong or just lend me a sympathetic ear. There is some bond that holds us together and keeps us like that even if we know the best and the worst part of each other… something that lets me open up and speak about whatever is on my mind. And it doesn’t  even occur to me, even once, what he or she would think about me.

All this may sound trivial. But this emotional support is like a wall that I lean on when I am about to break into pieces; and it always helps me stand back on my feet again, It has helped me find a firm foothold in this new unknown place. Given me the confidence to deal with new surroundings, pulled me out of extreme grief, when I needed to stand strong and support those in greater sorrow. All through these years, I have always taken this bond for granted. Its true,we never really value what we have until it is taken away from us.

Today all my friends are in different parts of the world. None of us knows how many years  it would take for us to meet again. But, the bond we share stays and stays strong. No matter what part of the world we are in, we know that we will always be there for each other… still sharing every feeling, supporting each other through all ups and downs… Knowing that the wall supports all of us, no matter the distance, no matter the time difference, no matter the hectic schedules, no matter other commitments. we always stand by each other :)



{August 13, 2009}   Home Alone

“All alone and nobody to talk to, no one around and cant escape”… has often been a part of my life. Mom and Dad used to be out at work, sis in college, when I used to walk back from school. I used to unlatch and enter the house… throw the heavy school bag away, tear out my tie and push off those shoes and socks to confront the empty house.

I must have been 10 or 11 when we stopped going to the creche. My sister had just started with college and was mostly out. That was when my bouts of lonliness began…

Lunch was usually spent with some funny series on TV or the good ol’ captain planet, scooby doo or the power puff girls (Ohh!! I just loved those cartoons). Mamma always called around that time and I used to feel like talking to her for ages. But then again, she had work to do; and I feared that if I kept her talking for long, she might come home late. At times a few friends(all in similar situations) used to come over or I used to go over  to their place and we used to sit together and complete our homeworks. After homework and some school-girly gossips we used to make our way back to our homes. Those afternoons used to be enjoyable… but they didn’t  occur often as our parents suspected the amount of study that was actually carried out between our chats :)

I cribbed for weeks (probably months) about how lonely I felt. But then, I dont know when or how, I started getting seasoned to the idea of staying alone…. I actually started loving it.  I found my ways of spending lonely hours. I started enjoying it so much that I actually started hating any interruptions during those hours.  My father had gifted me a mic on my birthday. I used to put a cassette in the recorder and spend hours recording and re-recording my songs… improving and correcting my mistakes with each recording. Man! I could give wonderful performances back then!!! At times I used to dance and dance till I dropped… on any random song. I even learned to make tea and snacks for myself during those days. Tea, then, was usually a date with Nikhil Chinappa (MTV Select) or F.R.I.E.N.D.S. One fine day, I was generally going through my sister’s old book collection.. Having nothing special to do , I picked up a random book and started reading. Slowly I got so engrossed into the book that I cried and laughed with the characters.  If I could, I would actually have thrown a party every time the secret seven, famous five or Nancy Drew solved a mystery. This love of books has gradually grown through the years to make me a full-blown book addict today.

When I think back now, those lonely days made me develop a personality that is independent, confident and brave. I came to be a girl who thought beyond study texts and dream about a world of her own. Though I was never a good student at school, I managed to teach myself many things that, I believe,  made me grow as a person.

This “blissful” period of my life lasted till the third year of graduation. That is when my mother retired. Now that Dad works from home too, I hardly get those lonely moments. Looking back, the sixth grader that I was, would have hardly thought that someday I would crave for loneliness :)



{April 26, 2009}   God in small things

Its strange how, at times, life dishes out sudden unwanted events before us and stranger that they somehow turn out to be “One of the best things that ever happened to me” Really… Out of self-experience… I have become a true believer of “Everything happens for the best!”

Each of us must have had moments of “If I could go back in time… I would change this or change that.” The truth is, even if we really could go back in time, I believe, events – good or bad, would have still stayed the same… occurred in the same fashion. They were meant to be that way, to make us the kind of person we are today. Yes, they broke our hearts, but gradually made us realize that they occurred to avoid an even greater loss… or at times even culminated into things that gave us happiness beyond perception… things that couldn’t have been imagined even in our wildest dreams… things that strengthened my belief in the almighty, strengthened the feeling that He is there… present in every small thing in and around us.

Some may disagree with me. I don’t blame them. I remember myself, a few years back, strongly denying the existence of God. Even today, I don’t believe that He exists only in some idol and we need to worship the idol in such and such way to please him. Like my mother says, “God is always pleased with us, as long as we don’t go out of our way to harm anyone.” Coming back to my point, God may not exist in a particular idol. But, what makes me make a particular decision, do a certain thing, think in a certain way… generally behave the way I do? What makes me meet certain people along the way, be close to some, aloof to others, remember some for ever and never remember some? What takes me to a certain place at a certain time? How does this coordination of events of each person’s life occur so smoothly? Why is nature the way it is? And why are we the way we are? There has to be some thing that is handling and managing all these things together. I call THAT God.

Lets face it; some things cannot be explained scientifically. There are a few things and few events that have absolutely no logic in them. They just sort of happen and we are left wondering… “Why??” But I believe, there is something great happening with each occurrence of insignificant, forgettable little things. Events that leave us drowned in sorrow are, may be, actually needed to take us via a different route to a happier tomorrow.

Looking back, I now realize that some things that made me and kept me depressed for days have always proved themselves to be a blessing in disguise. At that time, I cursed God for what happened. But, had they not occurred, I might not have been as happy as I am today. And, henceforth, when an event so unexpected and unwanted occurs, I’ll know that something much brighter lies on the other side of the dark tunnel.

We all think that we are brainy enough to chalk out the path our life will take. We think we can plan everything and we don’t even know what tomorrow has is store for us. I am not suggesting that planning is waste… yep.. it should be done. Yet, God knows what is better for us and may make a few changes here and there in our plan. All we can do is expect the unexpected and accept it gracefully.

Like Godfather Don Vito Corleone says “Every man has only one destiny”… and every small thing that happens takes you closer to it.



{November 2, 2008}   Gonna miss those days

Katta chats and my friends… In a few days all that ends!

But I am not sad, and I know why

Coz, In a few days, I am gonna fly high!!

      End of college days, and start of a new life…. the current phase of my life. Feels like yesterday when just out of school i was dreaming about my wonder-college-years. When all school friends dispersed across the globe and the “huge challenge” of befriending new mates stood before me. And whats more, getting into “The elite” Fergusson college. My God! was i scared on the first day!! I had dinosaurs running about my stomach. But then, as talkative as I am, It wasnt very difficult for me to strike a conversation.

      With a few ups and downs, friends and not-so-good-friends, great times and worst times, as also the submissions, projects, lectures, and a lot of lessons about real world; I must say, College life,  went pretty smoothly :).

      Now, with a post-graduation almost there, I stand at the threshold where my happy-go-lucky life ends.. to give way to a new life. A life where I cant simply bunk a lecture and catch a movie. Where I cant persuade a professor to extend a deadline.Hmm… Maybe it would be fun… in a very different way. Working in the real corporate world. Meeting new people. Working….In the real sense. Learning something new everyday. Most of all, being Financially independent.

      Now, I daydream about this new life. I am a bit apprehensive too. The dinosaurs in my stomach have started running again. And this time they are racing around.



et cetera
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